In March, I began using Weight Watchers and have since lost 45+ pounds. In that time, I have dropped clothing sizes and have had to replace my wardrobe with new clothes as I have lost the weight. Since I leave next Tuesday for four days with my new company, I needed to get new work clothes since I will be wearing a shirt and tie everyday unlike my current khakis/jeans and polo shirt.
Last night I went shopping and was disgruntled to discover that I had gained a clothing size again, even though I had lost another couple of pounds. So the suit I spent way too much on for the interview a month ago is a little too tight, I can't find pants that fit right, and I have five days to get the clothes, get them alterned, and have the shirts pressed before I get on the plane.
I am just a little frustrated trying to make it all work so Ii look my best while I am there since this will most likely by the only time I meet 95% other rest of the organization. Ugh.
I spent more than two hours over the course of today writing this entry. I was composing it offline and it got to nine pages in Word. Then I went back a re-read what I wrote and the detail didn't seem appropriate for this time and place. So here is the 30-second version.
Fifteen years ago this month I tried for the first time to kill myself. It was in the midst of a very long and very difficult battle with crippling depression. The reasons for my depression were a combination of a lack of close friends, a chronic disfiguring cycle of psoriasis, and huge self esteem issues with my looks and weight.
Every once in a while the memories of that time work their way back into my consciousness, like now. Among these memories was that during the course of this depression, I distinctly remember thinking that I would never see my 30th birthday. As it approaches, I have been looking back at that time in my life and what I have accomplished since. It has caused some painful memories and regret at things I have done and more importantly not done.
That's basically what I wrote about. The things I have never shared with anyone, my fears about the future, and the things that make me the person I am. I may put them up eventually but not now.
So I guess I just wrote a post about not writing a post. If I am that tired, I really need to just go to bed.
If you have visited before, you know that this site has gone through a design change. I have always had a problem with choosing names for logins and blogs before because I want to be original and clever. Usually I end up being neither. So here I chose a new name for the site based on one of my favorite books.
Douglas Coupland's Microserfs has always been one of my favorite books since I first read it. Daniel Underwood's life seemed to resonate with me for some reason even though I had no actual experience that mirrored hs in the book. Weird I guess. But in the book, his pasword is hellojed, which seemed as good a name as any.
So without further ado, here are my Jeopardy categories: