Walkng downtown last Friday I had an epiphany.
The Rose Festival Parade Direct Action League.™
Mrs. H and I were leaving the Pioneer Place theater when we noticed the people and all the godforsaken tape littering Fourth Avenue as people claimed their spots for the Grand Floral Parade the next day. Block after block of tape, chalk, and spray paint for people claiming their spot.
Having lived in Portland for 15 years now, I have seen the chairs, the tents, and yes, that damn tape everywhere the first week in June. What I never understood were the people who felt entitled to a spot along the parade route since they out down a piece of tape a week earlier. Are they serious?
Your duct tape, which is still there three days after the event by the way, isn't a golden ticket. It isn't a special deal; it's littering. Sure, if you want to sit out there, or even leave a chair, I'll give you that. But tape? Spray paint?
So next year, the The Rose Festival Parade Direct Action League™ will spring into action.
-- Chalked words? Hosed off.
-- Any tape seen on the ground with no one around? Gone.
-- Huge tracts of tape for one family? Gone and replaced by block long strips of "Reserved for TRFPDAL".
-- The use of duct tape to mark your spot? Not only your own special place in hell, but public shaming on parade day from the duct tape police.
-- Spray paint? A bucket, a mop, and video cameras demanding your cleanliness.
We are your friends, your co-workers, and utter strangers. You will never see us coming, and we will be merciless. Your. Tape. Will. Not. Last.
You have been warned.