Spoilers

A highlighted list of random spoilers shamelessly stolen from this MetaTalk post.

- Rosebud is a sled.
- Turns out it's present day.
- The walrus was paul.
- I shot JR.
- In Jurassic Park the dinosaur eats everyone but an openly gay Jeff Goldbloom (it gets weird at the end, with him coming out).
- Soylent green is made of peeeeeople!!!!
- Bruce Willis is dead.
- Charlton Heston sees the Statue of Liberty, and realizes he was on Earth the whole time, but in the future.
- Rochester has a crazy wife living in the attic; Grace Poole is only her nurse.
- His mother died years ago, and he dresses up as her to commit the murders.
- The whole town comes to his aid, and gives him enough money to cover the missing deposit, and Clarence gets his wings.
- Jesus gets tacked up. But he gets over it.
- It's 2004 and they're living in a large nature reserve with a no-fly zone.
- Turns out Bruce Willis was an automobile decoration consisting of a raised horizontal metal surface all along.
- KHANNNNNNNNNNNNNN....
- The chick has a dick.
- It was Ozmandius all along.
- She smothered her children with a pillow and then shot herself. It's really 1937, not 1917.
- It's all just been a horrible dream!
- NEO AND TRINITY BOTH FUCKING DIE
- Mr Glass blew up the train.
- Everybody lives happily ever after.
- Bob is her father - he's possessed.
- His soul is in the briefcase.
- Joey marries the duck
- Jesus gets tacked up. But he gets over it.
- And then Bob wakes up, and it was all a dream -- Vermont, the two Darrells, everything! -- and there's Suzanne Pleshette there to reassure him, and happily, it's 1973 all over again.
- Really, there can be only one, but they'll make sequels anyway.
- Col. Mustard in the Drawing Room with the Candlestick.
- Jesus tosses the Book of Life laptop in the water and Armageddon is averted.
- Michael has Fredo killed.
- After a struggle on the cliffs over the fiery pit, Gollum bites off the ring and the finger, and falls in, destroying it and saving the world.
- Of course, the punchline is that Klinger winds up staying in Korea after everyone else leaves, because he likes it there after all. I know, go figure.
- The narrator did it.
- After about 15 minutes or so trying different positions, the delivery boy climaxes rather messily, and then he puts his overalls back on and leaves her with her pizza. He does not ask for payment.
- The narrator is Tyler Durden.
- The President orders New York City to be nuked.
- The whole thing was dreamed up by an autistic boy as he played with a little plastic snow globe with a hospital in it.
- After the clock strikes midnight everything that takes place occurs in a "tangent" universe.
- And even after Number 6 escapes "The Village", he's still a Prisoner (and thirty years later, having grown hairless and toothless, gets a job as the dancing mascot for Six Flags).
- Kelly, Ozone, and Turbo save the community center.
- Screech wins against Horschack.
- They cross the streams, despite earlier advice suggesting that 'crossing the streams was Bad.
- The couple in the orange jersey LOVES their new living room, while the couple in the blue jersey think Hilde's color choice is all wrong, and they won't be able to live with their new bedroom, AT ALL.
- Buckaroo commandeers an alien lifeboat, lasers the fleeing Dr Lizardo and Red Lectroids, parachutes back to Earth and resurrects Penny with a statically-charged kiss.
- It looks like they're going to get away with it, but the bus skids and ends up teetering on the edge of a cliff, with the gold threatening to fall into the valley. Charlie says "I've got a great idea," but the credits start rolling and you never find out what it is.
- It was all just a big joke that Sean Penn played on Michael Douglas for his 40th birthday party.
- The whole everlasting gobstopper thing was just a test, and Slugworthy actually worked for Willy Wonka.
- Turns out the rope didn't break after all.
- After getting drunk and sleeping with Seymour, Enid takes the bus.
- The owl bites through to the tootsie roll center after three licks.
- Superfly ends up having to kick some ass.

and my favorite...

Frodo lives. Charlotte dies. Jesus does both.

Updates from the original MetaTalk post, just for filmgoerjuan.
- They're not terrorists after all, they just want to steal the bonds in the vault.
- It turns out the Sheriff is Black.
- Kevin Spacey is "envy" and Brad Pitt is "wrath."
- He admits to being a daft prick and they live happily ever after.
- Godot never arrives.
- The rich girl ends up with the guy from the wrong side of the tracks. The goth girl ends up with the jock. The math geek ends up with the writing assignment.
- Jeff takes out the Aliens with a Mac Virus
- a few of them get saved by going up to the bottom of the boat, but Shelley Winters and that slutty woman die on the way.
- The walrus was Paul. (but you guys knew that already)
- The nerds get laid.
- His buddy goes to jail, his mom gets shock treatment, his girlfriend starts selling herself for drugs and he loses an arm.
- He gives himself a frontal lobotomy with a drill. He sits on a park bench and watches a little girl play.
- The gold was buried in the grave *next* to Arch Stanton's.
- ... and if it weren't for you meddling kids they'd have gotten away with it.
- Its all in the reflexes. He idiotically refuses the advance of the totally hot green eyed babe. The demon is still alive on the back of his truck in the driving rain storm.
- and just don't even ask what happened to Sunnydale!
- He couldn't know it was Iron Balls McGinty.
- John Galt turns out to be as completely implausible as the rest of the book.
- You will die aloooooone.
- If he had brain one in that *huge* melon on top of his neck, he'd be living the good life, in California's ~beautiful~ San Fernando Valley. Oh, and Ray is Vigo now.
- The man in the red shoes is actually the photo-booth repairman.
- He switched the tapes. Maybe swing music can bring about world peace.
- Minnesota Fats decides to stop fucking around.
- By the way, Adrienne Barbeau figured out how to get 7 shots out of a six shooter. Too bad about the Cadillac, though.
- The little squirrel critter never does get the nut. People laugh at his pain.
- He destroys the Ministry of Information with the help of the rogue Air Conditioning Repair Man and escapes with the woman of his dreams.
- In reality, he's being tortued by a fellow Ministry of Information employee donning a baby mask.
- SHE brands HIM with a cigarette holder.
- Everybody dies.
- Slim Whitman's singing makes the aliens' heads explode.
- Truly, he was the Son of God.
- Rick doesn't get the girl. He does get to walk off arm in arm with the police captain.
- It's a cookbook.
- Oh and the coyote only hurts himself with the Acme T.N.T. but he doesn't die.
- By taking control of their machine, John creates the sea, the sun and Shell Beach.
- He flies the helicopter upside down and shoots Malcolm McDowell.
- The fake crop report does the trick, and the Dukes end up penniless while our heroes eat lobster and cracked crab on the beach.
- She goes with Ben. Not Noel.
- *wakes up. universe winks out.*
- The symbolic erection recedes. She ends up teaching a boy's gym class, dressed in a half shirt, shorts, tights and leg-warmers. Oh, Yeah ...
- He's cured, all right.
- Affleck and Damon fuck.
- The train goes into a tunnel.
- They re-calibrate the phase array and divert power from the shields.
- So all the heavy metal doors close but the last one, and Max turns around to see why it doesn't, and they suddenly swing shut, hitting him on the nose.
- Peter, Michael Bolton, and Samir get away with the computer scam because Milton sets fire to the building!
- Woogie is actually Dom Wooganowski. Duh.
- The guy with the limp did it.
- the boat sinks.
- Credits roll.
- Francesca stays with her husband; Robert Kincaid slowly drives away.
- They look into each other's eyes as the cops draw closer, and then punch the accelerator, driving over the cliff.
- Turns out there was no kidnapping, no ransom, the toe came from one of the Germans, and Donny died of a heart attack
- They take Ray Milland's head back off Rosie Grier's body, and everybody lives happily ever after.
- Charles De Gaulle ducks.
- Producing car parts, "Forgive us mother, for I have sinned, I have too." And the family goes over the mountain.
- Ray Milland removes his eyes, but can still see, if Stephen King is to be believed.
- There turns out to be no way out of the IKEA showroom.
- He is ambushed by lackeys
- A robber comes in and shoots him dead, but one of the producers convinces the director to leave that scene out.
- After killing the computer, he sees the obelisk in space and goes back to his childhood while sitting in bed.
- Daniel ends up roleplaying with the geeks, Lindsey and Daniel's girlfriend go on a roadtrip with the dead. Nick enters a disco competition that Joel Hodgson hosts. Ken stays with the hermaphrodite. Sam breaks up with Cindy.
- The good wizard shoots the bad wizard and hooks up with the cute fairy.
- The rabbits start their own warren.
- Bloom's day ends with his wife fantasizing about other men
- Lenny kills someone. George kills Lenny.
- Brandon's camera breaks and they decide that their movie's sucked anyways.
- Trinity House converts 15,000 people.
- Coven is never completely finished.
- Mandy Moore's character kills Jesus.
- He wins her heart at a dance contest.
- He was dreaming the entire film.
- They lose the contest but become a real band.
- They buy the evil gym.
- They get arrested for not helping someone out.
- He fakes his death one last time, then plays banjo.
- She wins the election.
- He goes with her to London.
- Punk rock dies.
- They lose all the money but get it back by selling flon in a tube (don't ask me how I know that one)
- Christmas is saved!
- Senator Blutarsky, Washington, DC.
- Jack freezes to death in the garden maze.
- The sniper turns out to be a teenage girl.
- #1: Jason dies.
#2: Jason dies.
#3: Jason dies.
#4: Jason dies.
#5: Jason dies.
#6: Jason dies.
#7: Jason dies.
- It was beauty killed the beast.
- Dexy's Midnight Runners' second album is not as well received.
- Mother of Mercy, it was the end of Rico.
- He informs his mother that he has, in fact, made it to the top of the world. Shortly thereafter, the gas refinery explodes.
- Bill kills his wife, probably accidentally, and escapes to Tangiers.
- Nirvana turns out to be the wheel of becoming.
- The butler did it.
- Ross, the largest Friend, simply eats the other five.
- The bus ends up hanging half over a cliff. Gold at one end; heroes at the other.
- He goes to LA, but plans to come back, and leaves his guitar as evidence.

Comments

[Jenn]

The scary thing is I know what most of these refer to. A couple are a bit too obtuse to know if I do or not.

[Denise]

That is hillarious.

[Chris Barrus]

"It's a cookbook!"

[filmgoerjuan]

Hehehe, I always knew that my whining would get me something someday! ;)

[Harry]

Darth Vader is Luke's father.

Beth and Al are still married and have two daughters. Sam never returned home.

Lens cap!

[Spoiling you a little more.]

Professor Higgins passes her off as a Lady. He's a jerk and takes all the credit, but she forgives him because she's in love.

He makes it out of the town with Gabe, slowly giving the baby all his memories. They find some snow, which could be exciting, but it doesn't matter because they both die.

LaMarc was in on it all along, and he's actually Isabel's dad.

[Mister Smile]

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