I find more and more that the memories I have of my mom are increasingly the last few months and especially the last few days of her life. I can immediately remember the sights and smells of the hospital, the beep the sensor made as her oxygen levels dropped, and the long walk to her room to say goodbye for the last time. What I can't remember is what her voice sounded like, where we were when we talked about her dying, or what I gave her on her last Mother's Day. I am even having trouble remembering what she looked like without having to look at her picture. When I try to remember my mom, all I see is her in the hospital bed as she faded away in her last hours.
All I want is to remember my mother on Mother's Day the way she was when she was happy and full of life. As time moves on and my memories of her continue to fade, I know I may never be able to do that again and that makes my heart ache in a way I never thought possible.